15 years of GUYS

10 Jul

As we sat doting over beers and greasy bar food, I looked at my friend J* and said, “shit, we’ve known each other for how long”? “Since ’95,” she replied. Here we were sitting and talking about guys again, and then it hit me, it was happening: my own little version of deja’ vu. Me and another 30 year old girlfriend were talking about guys. We had been having the same type of conversations since 15 and not much had changed except the addition of candid tid bits involving sex, drama surrounding sex or the complete lack thereof.

Sure we talked a bit about our careers and bills, or how we want to travel, but over 70% of the convo was about guys. Guys who I am sure at that very moment were not talking about us. How did we get here? Fifteen years of talking about guys, 15! It was almost like our dreams, goals, achievements, us-our very individuality, had become second to guys. The even sadder part, we had put ourselves second to guys that already put us second (at best).

I realized this: we talk about guys because society tells us to. Sure we can be independent but only to a point because we have become socialized to be dependent on guys. As a woman you’re not complete unless you have a guy. You can have it all, but in this world you are not truly happy unless you become a wife which in most cases involves a guy. I would love to have some revolutionary speech prepared to rally all the woman and say “hey we don’t need guys”, but truthfully, I’d be living a lie. What can I say, I am a product of this society and dammit, I do need guys! If they didn’t exist what on earth would me and my girlfriends talk about over wine? Work!? And I sure as hell don’t want to spend 70% of my conversations talking about what I spend over 70% of my life already doing.

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