“First Love”

5 Jun
Love heart uidaodjsdsew

Image via Wikipedia

We have the responsibility to love each other with the utmost level of integrity, kindness, respect, and appreciation. The irony is that most of us lack the necessary maturity when those first loves come into our lives. Due to this we often forget that this person we are on this journey with is sharing in an experience that is life defining, and somehow we mistakenly betray their trust in the purity of this experience. We only get one first. Wouldn’t you rather someone’s first taste be that of sweet as opposed to bitter?

A first love will always have a piece of your heart by default. Trying to fight against this is a war we cannot win. A first love becomes a barometer for all future loves, both good and bad.

I’ve tried for many years to replace my first love and although I found some seat-fillers, he couldn’t be replaced. Primarily on positioning alone, he was my first. I will only have one first. He was a great first. And herein lies the rub-having a great first can be a tough act to follow. Like so many of my cohorts, friends, and enemies, I have spent years chasing and/or attempting to duplicate the feelings that I experienced with my first love. The question is: can you really achieve that feeling again with someone who has a different heart and persona? We are unique individuals who embody a specific physical, chemical, mental and emotional makeup that define who we are. So can we fairly expect to achieve the same feelings we had with and for a first love with another person? I’m thinking, no.

So truthfully we never really do get over out first love. You simply put them in a cavern of your heart and make room for a second and subsequent loves. You can desire to have a great love with a new person which is achievable, but never again actually be the first love. In the end it may mirror the emotional bond and experience, but never duplicate and therefore will not be replaced.




2 Responses to ““First Love””

  1. crunktastic June 14, 2011 at 5:23 am #

    I actually really needed to read this after a convo with my first love last night that left me feeling off-center this morning. Thanks for affirming what I was feeling–the kind of irreplaceability of that feeling and that person. I think he and I always try to make sense of why it hasn’t worked out between us (he is now happily married to someone else, and I am happy for him) because the connection was so deep. But for today, my only answer is that we make the choices we make based on the people we are at the time and the best information we have available to us, and we have to move forward with no regrets. AND some stuff we won’t understand. But in the end, the only viable position is to go forward, not backward. Thanks again for sharing these reflections, and for putting me on to the track by Goapele. I heard her in concert years ago and she’s amazing, but I didn’t know that particular song.

  2. attempting30 June 17, 2011 at 8:28 pm #

    You’re right, dwelling on the past only trips us up. However we must acknowledge and allow ourselves to experience the emotions associated with love and loss. Denying them essentially denies our opportunities to grow.

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