12 Jun

Sometimes I am surprised by how well I am doing. Simply because a year ago my life changed drastically as I became naked and exposed and subsequently forced to truly examine my life.

Let me rewind. I was supposed to get married in September of 2010. I had chosen my bridal party and started making physical and mental plans to leap into marital bliss. Or so I thought. In retrospect, I wasn’t really ready at all and although contradictory, I was actually rescued when my world came crashing down.

Sometimes things fall apart to build you up. In this journey of becoming stripped by giving up my job, apartment, the hope of ever becoming Mrs. That Guy, I started the process of honestly looking in the mirror at the woman I saw, first acknowledging that my actions weren’t that of a woman at all but that of a girl. How blind and foolish I has become trying to hold on to something that wasn’t meant to be mine. Fighting the universe is most often a tiresome and pointless feat. Imagine swinging your arms at a tornado. Your best left hook doesn’t stand a chance in the eye of the storm. I needed the storm to remind me that sometimes I need to just let go. Let go of the notions of who I’m supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing and grab hold to who I really am. No matter how much you fake it, you can only squelch which is truly you for so long. These are the moments which build character and create a starting point from which to evolve into your best self. And why would anyone want to settle for being less than their best self?

In my nakedness, I now truly know myself: my values, strengths, and shortcomings. I have a platform for the work that has yet to be done as well as a marquee of my accomplishments. I used to wallow in my exposure, desperately trying to find anything to disguise my nakedness so that others couldn’t see my soul, hiding my heart’s true desires, but I now relish and revel being stripped because in it, you are actually seeing me. Not the essence of me, but who I truly am.


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