Independent Woman

3 Jul

I’ve often been accused of being “too independent”.   I find that the term often gets hurled if a woman doesn’t fulfill a man’s expectations or asserts her preference, or expertise. That implication is never said in a positive way and most often is followed by some qualifier/explanation as to why “women” are single, or deemed un-loveable. It is viewed as an inhibitor to male/female relationships as opposed to a contributor to our success. I find myself wondering: Can someone really be “too” independent? I mean is independence really something that can exist in excess?

According to the Oxford Dictionary/Thesaurus: The definition (and synonyms) of independent is: Not ruled or controlled by another. Not relying on another; not connected (syn: autonomy, self-determination, freedom, self-sufficiency).

The true definition of independence in and of itself is not corrupt. However, the use of the term as an insult is. I’m proud to be independent because being so enables me to make decisions for myself that are necessary for my development and survival. I appreciate my ability to be a free-thinker and not base my choices on those of others, making me uneasily influenced. Being independent can at times set you apart from a crowd of followers. What intrigues me is the irony of being labeled an independent woman.

Why would a man want a woman who can be controlled? Wouldn’t that make her easy to be controlled by others outside of him?

I find that those who are attracted (not just in the physical sense) to me, are, because I defy expectations and labels in a myriad of ways. I don’t believe that I have to be any one way or do any specific things because of who people think I am and what they believe I should do. 

 The truth is, being independent got me to and through college. I valued my intellect when others believed I should value (and therefore focus on) my beauty. I am not afraid to assert my opinion which in many cases can be educational and sometimes even show you a shortcut to avoid traffic. Being independent has contributed to this music loving, travel channel and basketball watching (sometimes even shooting), stiletto and Nike wearing, self-proclaimed nerd who is an artist that also reads and cooks, all while balancing beauty and intellect. I am all those things because they are important to me. I don’t think any of these elements are in excess.

Being that independent woman does not mean that I do not want or need a man in my life. I believe that women and men need each other regardless of how independent we are because we will never truly understand what it means to be in each other’s skin (just based on science alone), and we need to guide each other through the differences as a means to better understanding and appreciation.

If we look at the true meaning of independence and its value, I ask, who wouldn’t want to possess that? If independence is a means to sustain and is imperative for survival, why should being so be viewed as an obstruction to healthy relationships?

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