Quarters

10 Feb

The new year always brings about reflection. 2012 is no different. I can say that as usual, 2011 was a rollercoaster, a lot of which I didn’t feel prepared for, although I rarely found myself in a place that I had never been…

…First quarter was casual, fun, and exploratory to say the least. It left me hyped but at the same time a bit bruised, but I can’t say that I didn’t ask for it. The key takeaway, if it looks, walks, and talks like a duck-it’s a duck…

…Second quarter was damage control. I don’t like loose ends, especially those that leave me disturbed. I tried to tie them. Opposition ensued. Let’s say that I learned a lot about my family. I had to accept the possibility that the ideal relationship that I may have wanted with some of them, may never be. Doing this allowed me to accept them even if I didn’t like it, and to keep myself from becoming bitter…

…Third quarter was filled with elements of surprise of the positive and negative variety, but in all it left me questioning friendships, and accepting that in all of the preparation that life can provide, it cannot ever effectively prepare you for loss; literal and figurative loss. I was equally unprepared for the mourning that ensued….

…Fourth quarter was one of tremendous growth as I found myself feeling alone in the midst of many struggles. I let my critical inner voice take hold and began to question most of the decisions I had made within the year. Where the hell were all of my friends anyway? I found myself in the emergency room very much alive but feeling the need to be emotionally resuscitated. Highlight: I’m going to be an aunt!

2011 was a year of tremendous proportions. Growth. Loss. Facing fear. Exposing vulnerability. Lots of tears. Speaking up where silence once stood. Introspection in isolation. Numerous times feeling stripped of that which I valued, what kept me balanced. The sources from which I would draw for joy were compromised and in all that I prevailed. So in retrospect, 2011 was a good year because all contributed to me becoming a better version of myself. Would I have preferred to alter parts of it? Sure. But isn’t four quarters what makes a whole?

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