Tag Archives: Communication

The Facebook Reality

29 Aug
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We’re all grown right? So let me be frank: Facebook is not the real world! It is a fraction of reality in some terribly embellished gift wrap that we all feverishly open with high hopes and then become frustrated and hurt when it doesn’t live up to our expectations.

I’m not saying that it along with other social media sites don’t have their benefits and advantages (if used effectively), but it is maddening to hear that people are fighting, divorcing, and creating lifelong irreparable rifts over a website. Does anyone else find that odd?!

Now, when your relationship ends, you rush to change your status…and for what? To get the attention and compassion that you truly crave? And lets not start on the audacity of some people to get mad at you when they see you “online” but you won’t answer their phone calls. It’s a bit “stalker-ish” if you ask me but more immature than anything.

We should all be striving to be our best selves and hopefully somewhere in that recipe is true conflict resolution or communication improvement, where we can end (and in some cases start) a relationship maturely and perhaps not through a computer. Where we can be proud of who we truly are and what we have actually accomplished (or not) and not hide behind this over-inflated character that we have created (with a perfectly airbrushed AVATAR) to represent us online. Remember, it is supposed to be for social networking, not social disconnection.

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“Let’s Not Play the Game”

9 Jul

Men, You need to start talking. In person. To us. Women.

Not just when you want some one on one action in between the sheets either. Or when you need help hashing out an issue at work or with a family member. Why? Because we are interested in what is going on in your heart. Not your mind. Your heart. We’re growing weary of this game playing of trying to read your nonverbal gestures as a means to figure it out. Sure, you have a lot to say. At times. Like when you feel like it. But what if that is not enough? What if you are not receiving what you want from us because you never really ask? What if the attitude and cold shoulder you are on the receiving end of is because you choose silence when the situation requires spoken sentiment?

We want to know how you feel, and while crying is not for the faint of heart, we crave the verbal expression of the emotion being stirred behind your ribs.

I’m speaking for generations and legions of women when I say that we don’t want to read your pursed lips and over-emphasized mandibles, implying clenched teeth that we see through the flesh right at your jaw line; as a method of understanding you, nor your hunched shoulders while you stare past us into space. While we do profess to be powerful, mind-reading is not one of our abilities. We really want to know how you feel about us even if it isn’t favorable and to leave all that to the imagination of a woman is actually creating an even bigger issue for you.

We speak because it is important to us that you hear the content of our hearts directly from us. It may surprise you, even vex you, but in the end, you know. There is no mystery; No veil of secrecy that shrouds our true desires. It is our gift to you. Because we love you that much. Because we feel you deserve the truth. Because we would love for you to return the favor.

Playing Cool

16 Jun
Illustration depicting thought.

Image via Wikipedia

When do we let our guard down and say how we feel and what we want?

Over time some women have adopted a “male” approach to relationships as a means of adapting. These women play it cool with men (even the one’s they really like and want). As a defense mechanism against hurt, women have morphed into nonchalant robot versions of themselves. However if both parties are playing it cool, how is true intimacy born, let alone grow?

This attitude that we’ve adopted is in part contributing to the superficial relationships that many of us are trying to avoid. When you mask the truth (even if it is to avoid hurt), you are hiding what you truly feel and essentially who you are. If men and women are both seeking love, how do we reach that goal if we spend most of our effort running away from it?

Communication 101

5 Dec

Don’t you just love it when you take a leap and expose your vulnerability through words by pouring your heart out about your feelings and emotions toward someone of the opposite sex and you’re met with a “word” or “that’s nice” or my personal fav “cool”? When has communication between genders become so limited?

The actual definition of communication is:

the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
 
So taking that into consideration, am I to believe that after a woman tells a man how much she adores him, he actually is thinking “cool” so he says it? If so, is there any way that this woman can get a little more insight into what that “cool” actually means. If we take the response at face value, we can chalk that up to another demonstration of his being “just not that into you”?
 
So, I’m saying, if effective communication is the basis of a healthy relationship why is it that BOTH parties don’t recognize the importance and accept the deficiencies, work them out and move toward a mature interaction instead of one that simply an infant can entertain?